Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
