Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
