none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
