White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
