Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
foreskin is a definite game changer
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
