I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
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