I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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