You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
