Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Randomize