curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
