I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
try to milk me bitch
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