one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
