I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
