So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize