so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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