mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
