On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
there is puke in my bra ... again
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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