i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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