So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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