she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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