I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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