dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
areolas are like halos for boobs.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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