The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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