I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
