I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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