apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
