You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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