"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
