I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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