I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
