Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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