Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm way too hungover for life right now
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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