see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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