Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
