Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
