So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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