Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Randomize
