We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
