Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
