Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
3 2 1 whiskey
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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