He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Randomize
