i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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