i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
It's official drugs can't kill me
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I want to be your penis for a week.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
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