You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
