it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
