haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
