I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
