I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
