Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
