i just wanna soil my oats bro
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
