I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
