I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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