I accidentally burped into my bong.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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