yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
