Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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