OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
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