he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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