If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Randomize
