Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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