your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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