i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
