i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
