i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
