1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize