Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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