yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Are we in a gay sports bar?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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