just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
