doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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