I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize