Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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