Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
